i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize