the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize