I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
