The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
