hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
