so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i need some magic done to my vagina
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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