So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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