oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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