I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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