do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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