I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
