So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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