Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
