what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
