omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two words: eviction party
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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