He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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