i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
