You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
