Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
