Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
