I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
