$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
