If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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