this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
