so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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