His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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