I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
