Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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