i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
