you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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