Pants 0. Shit 1.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
