If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
