how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
