you turned your livingroom into a bong?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
