yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
