..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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