Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
two words...techno handjob
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
