its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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