If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
