dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
