Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
