i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
