I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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