Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
