dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
