i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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