Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
