He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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