I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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