how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
