Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
