sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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