You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
