So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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