dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
