Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
