You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
