Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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