we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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