if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
