So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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