i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
