Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
