She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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