Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
